If Not For Joy-

What Are We Here For?

Is Joy a choice? Or is it a reward for the pain we endure? In my last newsletter, I referred to Victoria Chang's devastatingly beautiful line, Maybe all pain is Joy. Is Joy a byproduct of our pain? Or is Joy a feature of this life, separated from our experience of pain and suffering? Maybe you have heard the pithy truism that if we didn't experience pain at all, we wouldn't know its opposite. I'm not sure about you, but I sometimes tire of living in a dualistic world. No pain, no gain. Day turns to night, night turns to day. And yet, I don't tire of it all the same.

But here in this middle spring morning, I wait for the sun to shine to show me the way to joy again. But waiting is a trap. You must train your eyes to see it, and your heart to feel it. In that way, Joy isn't so much a choice as it is always present, like the atmosphere or the breathing you automatically do without thinking about it. You must sharpen your senses to experience it. You must become aware of its presence in your life.

Though I skipped the month of March for this newsletter (mea culpa), and though it was a difficult and chaotic time, I can provide you with receipts of where I found joy since then. The photos accompanying this post are glimpses of that evidence.

I actively choose not to be a doomsayer (though my younger son might argue with me on that point, lol) for I know that words can trap us into ways of seeing the world. If I can do anything for others in this world, it will be to intentionally and consistently show up as someone who can reveal all the ways that there can be joy and beauty amidst suffering. It is worth finding these moments, because then you discover within yourself a well of resilience that allows you to outlast the pain that inevitably shows up in your life. Perhaps you can watch your suffering transform into joy, or maybe joy arises from the experience of pain, and you were able to catch the subtle nuance of its invisible wave.

When we look around, there seems to be a banquet of pain, and it's all-you-can-eat. I want to offer a perspective on the world that is a buffet of joy, with an abundance of entrees and desserts to choose from.

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. ~Hellen Keller

I am not saying all of this so that we avoid what is present in our lives, be it personally or as a society and culture. I say all of this because training ourselves to notice the beauty and joy amidst the pain is a necessary higher-level skill for surviving—and eventually thriving—and doing the work to create a better world for one another. If I don't train myself, I may slip into the abyss of self-pity and despair, which are completely self-protective survival strategies leading to dissociation and a vicious cycle of anguish in which escape is Dante-esque. If I don't train, I remain cemented in my privilege and not connected to the humanity of others.

Training yourself to seek joy, then, is a way to resist the narrative of collapse. It is to write a new narrative. It is to evolve. To be a part of the coming dawn.

Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing. ~Arundhati Roy

Many years ago, when I was a new, young(er) mother, I pinned this quote above my computer because I loved the futurism of it. And I believed it. I still do. I love the promise of the unknown.

Receipts of Joy & Some Basic Instructions

1. SEEK Joy daily.
2. READ as much as you can– Knowledge is (still) power: novels, poetry, words from the ancients, essays from present thinkers, letters. Whatever you do, keep reading, and read widely. The world is filled with much wondrous writing, and this keeps us from feeling alone.
3. DISCOVER what is BEAUTIFUL to you and EXPERIENCE those things as often as possible – music, art, words, the ocean, the sunrise, the mountains, the highway, the sand.
4. SAVOR whatever delights you for as long as possible - a minute, an hour, a day.
5. PRACTICE Gratitude and at the same time Contribute to your community, in whatever way, however small, you can.
6. REST.

Cultivating Joyful Moments

The only instructions for practice that matter are these: Wake up each day and notice something that delights you: a picture, a word, a cup of coffee, a cat. Sit with it for a moment and allow it to expand your perspective on how you feel about the world. Savor the delight, for it often leads to joyful feelings. If you follow the basic instructions from the earlier list, you might find yourself more joyous than you thought possible. And yes, you will still feel pain and experience suffering in your life, perhaps even daily. But you will increase your capacity for joy, which also happens to increase your peace. If you find these practices work for you, please drop me a line and let me know about it.

Sending you peace, joy, and comfort on this fine spring day. I have put a candle in my window for you. 😇

~Be well,

🌊 Bridget